Any adult American who utters these five words is not simply quoting from some Dunkin' Donuts ad campaign of the '80s and '90s. That line, said in a weary sing-song voice, has become the unofficial motto of workers everywhere who are resigned to a grinding, numbing routine. On many mornings, while I am still half asleep in bed like a bum, I will hear my girlfriend putting on her work clothes and saying, with a heavy sigh, "Well, time to make the donuts!" The other day I was watching a television interview with a famous fashion designer who described his dreary former day job as "my 'time to make the donuts' phase."
And a friend of mine who I used to teach ESL with in the city (a terrible, terrible occupation) really did take the DD catchphrase as his own motto and even referred to his students as "donuts." I once reached him on his cell phone while he was in the middle of a class.
"I'm watching 'Sex and the City' with the donuts," he said. "They just learned what 'blow job' means. They love it."
"I bet," I said.
"They're going wild! Can you hear them? Can you hear the donuts yapping?"
I think teachers in particular share a special affinity with that tag line. Perhaps it's because of the early hours. There was a much-maligned substitute teacher at my high school, Mr. Berringer, who was a dead ringer for the actor from those commercials. Each time he faced a new class he gave the same speech. "I'll be your substitute teacher today. My name is Mr. Berringer, but" -- and here he visibly shuddered -- "I suppose you may call me 'Time to Make the Donuts Man.'" Then he sat at the desk and slumped behind a newspaper, probably counting the minutes until the bell rang.
On a banner day at that school you would get both Time to Make the Donuts Man and "Ben Franklin" (who really was the spitting image of BF) as subs in different classes. Ben Franklin was known to issue hall passes to anyone who needed to use the bathroom, and he wasn't very particular about whether you ever returned from the toilets.
Anyway, for all of you stiffs working in offices today, here is a compilation of "Time to Make the Donuts" commercials. Enjoy, suckers!!
May 29, 2008
"Time to Make the Donuts"
